i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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