we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
