I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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