im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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