That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
