I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize