Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my shit smells like andre
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
