remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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