this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I believe in your delicious
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
