Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
