I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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