dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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