Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
