You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
