I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
