Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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