dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
