How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
