i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
