There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
