he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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