Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
