I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
