It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
