i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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