We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
