Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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