She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
