I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Houston, we have a squirter
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
