Are we in a gay sports bar?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
