We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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