i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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