I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
