my phone needs a breathalizer
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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