so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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