I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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