Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
