Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
