So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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