so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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