I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
