If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
is that a dick in a sweater?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
