I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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