ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
