Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
