My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
