I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.