Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
