Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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