I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
