you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
