HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
