Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
