Too much gin, very little bucket
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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