She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
