When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
