I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
