Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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