No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
