MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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