dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
