When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
