Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
