Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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