Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
