all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
