Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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