That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
