I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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