At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize