Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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