census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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