Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize