Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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