Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
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Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
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I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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