He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
