google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
