I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
