You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
