I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
