My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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