hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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