i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
