If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
