after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
