dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
