I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
