That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The best revenge is premature balding
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
